The Step Ladder

i understand schizophrenia only because i have schizophrenia.
it seems like there are different levels of schizophrenia at any given moment, at least for me, just attacking away at me. almost like a step ladder. i can be at the bottom of my step ladder and everything is fine, just one voice i have to listen to "the Blue lady"
then just one certain trigger, like an outing to walmart will evoke the voice of ZUle, and he tells me every man wants to abduct me in the store. and then i am at the top of the stepladder ready just to fall off and try to pick up the tiny pieces that are left of me. the Blue lady does her best...
in her, i know i'm one