journal entry 1-19 10:56

i took my seroquel at 9:00pm. last night i didnt got to sleep until the 3:00am. and when finally feel asleep i had another seroquel dream. this one was of a giant rattle snake. another extreme nightmare of a king kong rattle snake chasing me at my dad's house.

it was the same this morning when i got up at 12:30pm. i dragged myself out of the bed. i went to eat, that didnt seem to get me out of my fuzzy seroquel haze. until i ate chocolate.. then i felt better and better. no wonder people gain weight on this seroquel crap.

nothing much today except i had a normal conversation with my mil. i know these people think i am going insane, i go from one extreme to the other.anyway she told me crap about robert's ex wife. i swear she talks about her alot. it always in a negative sense, but still enough to my make my blood boil just enough for ZULE to control my thoughts which is never good. i just feel the energy in my spirit turn. it is a rush, but not a very good one. no one should think like that.

a total crossover
black to white
white to black

my visuals or hallucinations havent faded, my mind feels like it doesnt have a turn off switch
there are shadows hanging over me. it looks like there here to stay . i am not half the person i used to be. i need them to be wished away. oh joy?

in her, i know i'm one