She Has ME

i found out some very depressing news today. i found out that my property taxes have been raised from $1200 a year to $3000 a year. increasing my mortgage several hundred dollars a month.

the news has broke me, i have cracked, i knew my sanity wouldn't last long. just one simple envelope that i opened wrecked my nice beautiful sane world. i feel my sanity just weeping away..

i look at the world i know its turning, but i cant turn with it. i have fallen into a realm of insanity.

MAYBE?

i wonder what i could possibly do to help my sweet husband who takes care of me. i can not drive myself many places because of my fear and anxiety. i am a basket case. where am i ?

i would want to get a job like i used to have. i used to have a career in marketing, it was a dream. a dream i tell you.. i started the job at age 19. you wouldnt believe it, but i worked at a beach resort. everyday for 15 years i drove over the atlantic beach bridge in N.C. i could take my lunch break on the beach if i wanted to.

the sad part is, i dont know where that confident person went. i have lost myself somewhere...But Where?

i crack once again, where am i?

the Blue LAdy Comes to ME. Child all will be okay. i will take care of you. aahh thank you for coming. what do i do? The Blue Lady Says, "You Can Not leave Phoenix in the Arms of another" that is my answer? yes, Child.................

my birthday went really good, robert made my vegetable garden, it has squash and tomatos cucumber, and lettuce... yummy,, i just hope i can grow something. it might be turning cold soon, which sucks because my giant elephant ear just spouted and is so happy.

my pyschiatrist appointment went ok. i am suppose to back down on the zoloft, because it is killing my sex drive. anti depressants make me feel alot better, but the damn sife effects are terrible. especially the seroquel. geez

its my birthday

tomorrow is my birthday and my pyschiatrist appointment is tomorrow to. i will probably talk to my pychiatrist about my lack of Sex drive. the antidepressants i take are probably having an effect on my sex drive. i rarely want to have sex with my husband. he is extremely attractive, so, that's not even an issue. i am sure it is the antidepressants zoloft that is causing the lack of sex drive.

well, tomorrow i'll be 36 years old. it just felt like yesterday i turned 21. at least i still look good,, i am 5'6" and i weigh 123, not to shabby, since i just had a baby last year.

yesterday i got in the mail a magic spell board. it is alot like a ouija board except alot cooler. it has all kinds of things on the board. north south east west..it has astrological symbols on it, gem stones, alphabet, numbers. it is like a oiuja board but super sized. it is funny because the directions say DO NOT BURN A CANDLE!!!!! that is to funny, i guess the spirits are going to jump out of the indicator, onto the candle flame, LOL
but, you know me, and my luck, i'll probably try it!!

LIFE

life had been going really good. i have become a Kundunini master. i am pretty excited about it. i was told i have Hot Hands. which is a compliment in the Reiki world