journal entry 1-18 9:38pm

my baby just grabbed little kitty's tail and didnt strike him. i was so scared because she could have tore him up. those cats of ours have adjusted well to the baby. who would have thought. the baby does whatever he just plays and plays. he hasnt rally said mama yet except when he cries. but he is really smart. boy smart. climbing is baby scary. we live in a split level house. not baby friendly at all. i have a gate in the kitchen and on the stairs.. the BLUE Lady says " the gods will keep him protected". they will protect him..

i need to mention i have been having strange dreams. i call them seroquel dreams. i could barely hold my head up in the morning from the seroquel. maybe i should do coffee. when i dream those seroquel dreams they are so vivid.. so, now i am waking from the dreams. last night was good not comfortable at all. i am still tired from the seroquel. why cant i just have some valium, i am already taking zoloft. but i need to sleep. anyway, i went back to sleep for one hour, which i shouldnt have done. i had a dream that my husband had cheating on me again. this is a recurring dream. it repeats itself again and again. but this time the dream didnt leave me during the day. so no naps for me, i am afraid of the dreams. i have had several recurring dreams in my life time. the most prominent was the BIGFOOT dream, it eventually played itself out with a good ending. but being five years old and dreaming about big foot was a nightmare.

i dont know what could come from the dream of my husband cheating on me. maybe to learn from the dream. the BLUE lady says to learn strength. the blue lady says from having my son i should know that
the impossible is possible and
the possible is impossible.

i pray tonight my dreams are of warmth and sunshine.

robert and me did talk and we decided we would have our son at a beach at sunrise for his birthday. we will watch the atum rise. (sun) the BLUE lady is pleased. i am excited. i hope this seroquel doesnt interfere. the BLUE lady says it will not.

i always feel so much more alive in the night. i will try the coffee in the morning. that must work, or else i will feel like a zombie.

I AM AFRAID OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

in her i know i'm one