Butterflies and the subconscious

i decided to make a stop in to my Eternal Sun Shine.
Over the Last nearly nine months, i have spent a lot of my thoughts over at http://autismandthecrystalbaby.blogspot.com/

Autism has become very spiritually enlightening for me. My three year old is a crystal child, i guess i cant refer to him as a crystal baby. HE's almost four years old now.

Phoenix is getting ready to start school. And i am glad. you have no idea how much energy it takes to keep him balanced. I often read about those sweet loving stories about the crystal children. I laugh to myself after nine more amazing months with Phoenix.
My crystal son walks both in the dark and light. where there is night there is day. when there is Life there is Death.
In the beginning of the spring there were caterpillars roaming the yard, and Phoenix was standing above a caterpillar with it standing looking up at him, and Phoenix lost his balance and stepped on the caterpillar. Charlie was devastated. One Less butterfly, i thought. I know.

well, I have had the biggest butterfly garden i have ever had. Hundreds of butterflies have stopped by our house this year. Not only that, we have around five or six hummingbird that live in our tree in the backyard.
Phoenix picks up the butterflies, looks at the them and lets them fly away.

everything has come to make more sense to me spiritually. I have learned that from a visit with some dear family members. its amazing what you learn if you just ask.

I would like to talk about the subconscious mind.
Crystal children are reported to be telepathic. Most are Austistic. because of their speech delay. I never thought how these children did it. How has Phoenix been able to get everything he had ever wanted and more without speaking like the "typicals"
I am going down a Path where it is revealing more of a subconscious thought is used for Phoenix to communicate. is the subconscious taking over his earthly body? is this Why we force him to talk and use his words? the subconscious is more powerful than we could ever imagine. Could the subconscious be our souls, traveling from life to life. Phoenix could be really mad at me for being born, and he could be rebelling refuses to be like the "typicals"
Understand i wanted Phoenix more than anything in the universe. I know he wanted me. I do not believe he could be this mad at me in his subconscious.
but he does fight until he knows he will not win, and then he gives in.

I wonder. I wonder tonight? why do i hear familar voices? I hear the sound of your voice, just as i hear my Phoenix. I know this voice has gone into the the highest realms of the afterlife. But i can still hear you.
So, is the subconscious our Soul? the voices from beyond, sound the same to me as my son.

In her i Know I AM One

Time keeps on Ticking

it won't be long now, my first born son will be off fighting for this great nation we live in. somedays i am so proud i am bursting with energy, then some days i feel like i want to crawl under my bed and not come out for a day or two. my time with him is drawing to a close. time doesnt stop for me or him or anyone.
tomorrow the little Phoenix has Play therapy. he is doing better with his speech and communication. this type of therapy seems to help his autism. he has been making great strides with his play and learning to play with things the correct way. i was thinking today, that my other sons didnt seem as advanced at this stage as the Phoenix. even though he cant communicate well, he is still very aware of letters, shapes and colors. he has learned how to draw pretty good. he loves to draw circles. Phoenix will be starting school soon. he is almost three. what will i do without my son during the day. i was hoping on spending more time with him, but its time for school.

why my house

i imagine a row of 125 houses all filled with children. An Austism chose my house. Maybe i should have marked my door like the Hebrews did at Passover.
Amazing things dwell within that spirit of is. The child already has a relationship with Christ. When we visit the thrift store he can pick up all things jesus. I want to get him a Christ Buddy. He is not so scary. Why does Jesus have to be so creepy. All except the baby jesus.

we are working hard to get on Phoenix's level. i dont know if i ever could. but, that seems to be only way to reach him. what is happening? where is the life that i recognize?

my pawpaw has left this world.. i miss him so much. i understand grief now. it hurts so bad.
the last time i saw him, i told him how much i loved him. i knew it would be the last time i saw him. painful as it is, i knew immediately he felt better. he didnt feel so good......

dancing in a fire

i tell you, some times i need someone to listen. but i feel i stand alone most of the time. i have tried taking care of myself the best i can......
Fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass lately. i have been going to water therapy and that was pretty awesome. who knew?? another thing that has been bothering me is my B-12 deficiency. my nerves were literally sizzling. I felt like i had electricity vibrating through my body, like i was dancing in a fire. i remember laying in bed one night before this flare began. I woke up to my entire body feeling like fire was flowing through my me. this could have been a spiritual experience i felt like i could have moved mountains with this fire power. look now, look around. voices and other sounds, can you see me now?
well, to sum all that up, i have to give myself b-12 shots. Clear the way for me.
you know your something special, but who knows what, i just shine when i can..
to all the billion souls out there, the life you've been given, can be grand, sometimes it doesnt seem that way. look at yourself, you make me feel alive. luck has always been on your side. i dont need to understand this. i cant put any better.

the winter is coming to the mountains. save me from the reminders,, i feel the sun fading away.. it is lonely here. my world is different.


in her i know i am one