dancing in a fire

i tell you, some times i need someone to listen. but i feel i stand alone most of the time. i have tried taking care of myself the best i can......
Fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass lately. i have been going to water therapy and that was pretty awesome. who knew?? another thing that has been bothering me is my B-12 deficiency. my nerves were literally sizzling. I felt like i had electricity vibrating through my body, like i was dancing in a fire. i remember laying in bed one night before this flare began. I woke up to my entire body feeling like fire was flowing through my me. this could have been a spiritual experience i felt like i could have moved mountains with this fire power. look now, look around. voices and other sounds, can you see me now?
well, to sum all that up, i have to give myself b-12 shots. Clear the way for me.
you know your something special, but who knows what, i just shine when i can..
to all the billion souls out there, the life you've been given, can be grand, sometimes it doesnt seem that way. look at yourself, you make me feel alive. luck has always been on your side. i dont need to understand this. i cant put any better.

the winter is coming to the mountains. save me from the reminders,, i feel the sun fading away.. it is lonely here. my world is different.


in her i know i am one

Autism Sucks

well, the intervention team believes my Crystal has Autism.
Phoenix's teacher asks me how i feel about the possibility of Autism.
I said to her, Autism Spectrum Disorder is such a broad term, he probably does fall somewhere in the Spectrum. But let's see... as i spoke, i felt my heart sinking, i guess she is trying to prepare me.. I dont know...
Phoenix can talk, sure he has speech delay. but, if you listen, he sings.. and sings. I remember visiting with my sister, she said to me.. " is he singing"
He sings all the time.. My two year old is not talking or communicating the way the medical community deems fit.. Phoenix does communicate with me. But i cant tell his doctor or speech therapist of his mental communication.


in her i know i am one

crystal he is

once again with a new doctor the little Phoenix must see a speech therapist. We cant seem to get away from his speech delay. after doing some reading, i have found that crystal children seem to have exceptional visual symbolic skills. Meaning crystal children can recall their ABC's and 123's. Amazing. Phoenix has known his letters and numbers for a while. Oneday, Phoenix's father caught him one morning saying his letters. But he cant talk. He can say and recall at random all 26 letters of the alphabet. Now at two years old he can not say but 15 words max.
I know their are more crystal mothers out there. Just like me. Raising a crystal is a gift, but it is definately has it challenges. My biggest challenge is trying to get through speech therapy. Phoenix has his own language. he sounds like a whale singing a song.
lately it seems he has been a magnet for senior citizens. Mostly, senior citizens want to touch his golden blonde curly hair. but once the Phoenix locks his eyes on them, they just want to talk and play with him. Phoenix usually tucks his head down low, and will push the person away after a period of time. I guess he just had enough. And he Never ever speaks to anyone.

Whispers i dont wish to hear

a call to my granny leads to tears
my paw paw does not feel well today.
i dont know how old he is maybe 75.
i know i will be seeing him soon.
my fear is could it could be my last time i lay eyes on him.
i drift to the Land of faire as i am so teary.
i hear the whispers, the Blue lady says at least you know child
the phoenix comes to play with my hair to make me feel better
i have been told to listen to my whispers
i have heard some of the most beautiful whispers in my lifetime.
whispers of a true love, a child, what is real or not real
there are whispers i wish i would not hear from the Blue Lady.

in her i know i am one